Let me be candid.
Church Facility Managers are some of the most underappreciated and over-utilized heroes in the life of a local church. While their job descriptions might include terms like “maintenance,” “custodial oversight,” and “event setup,” what they’re actually asked to do…well, that’s another story.
Over the years, I’ve had the joy of walking alongside hundreds of churches and their facility teams. And without fail, I hear stories that make me laugh, shake my head, and say, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” But it’s real. It’s the church. And it’s ministry.
So in honor of the Facility Managers out there who serve tirelessly behind the scenes, here’s a not-so-exaggerated list of the most ludicrous things they’ve been asked to do—sometimes in the same week!
1. Catch a Squirrel During Service… Silently
The mandate? Remove the uninvited rodent without interrupting the choir anthem. Ninja skills preferred.
2. Plunge the Toilet at a Wedding… in a Tux
Because the plumber was off and the pastor “didn’t want to ruin his sermon prep.”
3. Adjust the Sanctuary to Exactly 72.3°F
So it’s not too cold for the seniors and not too warm for the soprano section.
4. Fix the Copier. Again
HVAC-certified? Great. That obviously means you’re also a Canon repair technician.
5. Locate a Missing Casserole Dish from 1987
Yes, Brenda’s Pyrex was a family heirloom. No, it’s not in the baptistry closet.
6. Referee a Parking Lot Dispute
The seniors want front-row access. The youth group wants to skateboard. And it’s Communion Sunday.
7. Transform the Fellowship Hall—Four Times in One Day
Morning: Bible study. Afternoon: funeral lunch. Evening: Zumba class. Night: wedding reception. Same space. One Facility Manager.
8. Clear 3 Acres of Snow by 6 a.m.
With one shovel and a prayer. The salt truck? “In the shop again.”
9. Chase Down a Runaway Bounce House
Because nothing says “Welcome, visitors!” like an airborne inflatable heading toward the sanctuary.
10. Fix the Internet
“You’re good with wires, right?” Yes. Just like the Apostle Paul was “good with scrolls.”
11. Set 200 Chairs with Exactly 2” Spacing
And make sure they’re perfectly aligned to the cross beam on the ceiling. Because symmetry is sacred.
12. Remove a Bat from the Baptistry
Sometimes spiritual warfare gets real. Like, winged-creature-in-the-holy-water real.
13. Hang and Remove a Disco Ball—Quietly
Youth lock-in on Friday. Traditional service on Sunday. Thou shalt remove all glitter.
14. Spray Paint a Donkey’s Hooves
To match the new gym floor. And prevent slippage during the live nativity.
15. Scrub Crayon Off Stained Glass
Is it a depiction of Jesus? Or Spider-Man? Either way, it’s now a permanent marker.
16. Refill 37 Hand Sanitizer Stations Weekly
During a global shortage. Bonus: Refill with something that doesn’t smell like turpentine.
17. Assemble and Disassemble an 18-Foot Christmas Tree—Five Times
Because the star still isn’t straight. And the choir director “feels off.”
18. Build a Wheelchair Ramp Overnight
The guest preacher arrives in the morning. Home Depot closes in an hour. Go.
19. Hang a Banner That Touches Nothing
Not the walls. Not the ceiling. Not anyone’s line of sight. Yet visible from every pew.
20. Find That One Flickering Bulb
Out of 250 identical ones. In a 40-foot ceiling. On Maundy Thursday.
So, Why Share This?
Because it’s funny? Sure.
Because it’s painfully true? Absolutely.
Because the Facility Manager actually has more pressing items on their “to-do” list than these items? 100%
But mainly because we need to acknowledge the sacred role that Facility Managers play in the life of the church.
They may not lead worship or preach a sermon, but they’re often the first in and the last out. They steward spaces where the Gospel is proclaimed, where baptisms happen, where marriages begin, and where life is mourned and celebrated. They ensure that the house of God is ready for the people of God.
Let’s thank them. Let’s support them. Let’s equip them. And maybe—just maybe—let’s stop asking them to fix the Wi-Fi during VBS (Hint, Hint!)
Want to take facility stewardship deeper? The Facility Management Devotional: A Year-Long Practical Guide, written by Tim Cool, Patrick Hart, and Nathan Parr, is now available. Just $6.95 on Amazon.
